life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
