I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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