watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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