How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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