Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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