Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
