No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
