Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
