how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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