At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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