when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
