if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
