This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
