so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
