I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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