K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
