I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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