so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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