Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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