Just mADE A PArabola og urine
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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