Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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