End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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