That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
