i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
