The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
