i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
