Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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