did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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