Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone shattered a urinal.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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