i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
