There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
