I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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