I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
