I wish my penis had an off switch
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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