my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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