i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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