White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
