Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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