standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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