you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My bed smells like the plague
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
