An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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