mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
