I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
