I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
