I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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