I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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