do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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