I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
