I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
