he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
