my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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